30 Day Challenge- Rays of light.

Day 16- February 11th

NPR wafts gently throughout the confines of my car and I listen desolately to the weather report.

Today’s forecast: rain and clouds.

Tomorrow’s forecast:…..rain….and clouds.

Sunday’s forecast: More of the same.

It’s as though I’m driving through the moors of Scotland. A soft and thick fog, like that which precedes the arrival of a pirate ship, envelops my car and carries me gently to Issaquah. I’m ferried along, discouraged and disoriented by the darkness cast over me like a thick, woolen blanket.

So I search for my solace, my sunshine elsewhere: within me, within my friends, and within my studio, with much success. Day 16 offered a lemony burst of warmth that brightened my day more than any amount of sunshine could ever possibly hope to do.

During Padahastasana, in which you fold yourself in half like a grilled cheese sandwich, I pulled on my feet with such vim that I heard a dull, disconcerting POP in my hip bone, as though a giant, cardboard piece of bubble wrap was bursting. My body disjointedly responded by lurching forward and even though I was able to achieve the maximum expression of the posture, I felt like a rickety wagon wheel whilst doing so. Even still, I smiled to myself. My mind and body are becoming great buddies: communicating and agreeing on what they need to do. They’ve become a team. Sometimes disagreeing with each other, but ultimately working to achieve the same goal: happiness, health and wellness. And flexibility too.

Having read an article by Mary Jarvis earlier on in the day, in which she boasted the importance of not consuming water during practice, I decided to have my hand at this endeavor which was lofty considering I often rely on icy fluids as a source of solace and comfort. I managed to make it until the end of the standing series, by which point I was longing to embrace the glistening coolness of my frozen bottle. Since there was little melt-off to imbibe, I attempted to fill it up but as a result of the intense humidity hovering above us, the water queue was considerable. Lisa cautioned that we would miss savasana so instead of waiting I plopped back on my mat with resignation. Five minutes later, she passed by, swept up my bottle, and filled it to the brim. I certainly wasn’t expecting such a treat but felt luminous as a result of her kindness.

I was light at the end of practice: wrung out, sweat-soaked, exhausted and content. Once in the changing room, I checked my phone and saw an email from my yoga buddy Jen in which she was applauding my fortitude and telling me I was amazing, a rock star, a stud.

14 days remain, and I'm aglow with excitement- despite the rain and clouds.

30 Day Challenge- Half Way There!

“Ohhhhhhhh we’re half way there. Ohhhhhhhhh-wo, we’re livin’ on a prayer!” I sang to myself as sweat pooled on my mat and towel, my arms locked out like a vice with my head in between and my right leg burning as it reached toward the back wall. This is Tulandasana (the balancing stick) and what Bikram refers to as a self-induced mini heart attack in order to avoid the big one.

As of late I’ve been trying to reconcile the mind-body disconnect, which I touched on briefly yesterday. My fatigue seems more mental than anything else so I decided last night to force my mind to listen to my body- and not the other way around. And you know what? It worked. I concentrated steadily on my calculated and even inhalations and exhalations and just let my body embrace the positions with which it had become so corporeally familiar without my ego getting in the way.

During Trikanasana (the triangle), known as the “Master Standing Posture” and the crescendo of the standing series, I became uncomfortable and told myself to lie down but after some struggle my body persevered. I deepened my squat and reached my arm up with complete physical ease despite my mind’s whiny protestations. Ever supportive, Penni piped in “You’ve got this, Heidi.” And she’s right: so far, I do.

15 down, 15 to go.

30 Day Challenge....2 weeks in and I'm waving, not drowning

I have a heavy rotation of fluids littering my desk (Earl Grey, Matcha, an Americano, ice water, and energy water) but I feel like I would be better off with an IV. My arms hang heavily at my sides, my hands like bowling balls mashing against my key pad. A vapid fatigue flits over my body in dull pulsing waves. This has been the longest two weeks of my entire life, which I find strange considering this challenge only comprises 6.25% of every day or 9% of my waking hours.

Despite my current exhaustive state, day 14 was a great success. Many things were at play in making it so but the fluidity with which I practiced gave me the encouragement I needed so desperately to carry on.

My friend and co-worker Lauren accompanied me today, which also helped give me the motivation necessary to get to practice. We met at the front desk and I showed her around, securing two side by side spots in the middle row, adjacent to the instructor’s podium. She had done Bikram in LA, but was anxious to see how her body behaved since it had been a few years.

I felt so at home—so in my wheelhouse—and was incredibly grateful one of my co-workers had the chance to see that. Despite my whining and complaining, this is what I long to do. Suzanne, a gorgeous, limber and ever-so-sage instructor of mine noted that my eyes were glowing when I ran into her outside the changing room. I immediately boasted that it was the 30 day challenge and she wholeheartedly agreed.

Aside from seeing Lauren’s bright blue saucer eyes staring at herself in the front mirror with a laser beam focus, I had another little boost from my yoga bag of tricks that I’ve been using lately: my water bottle, but not in the way one might suspect. I freeze one of my two water bottles every night in order to have a nice glacial hunk of ice with which to hydrate during class. By the time I reach the floor series, this miniature glacier is adrift in a sea of crisp, divine, deliciously wet eau de vie. The bottle rests on its side next to me and as I am on my belly, staring straight at it, I begin to envision the tiniest version of myself, unfettered from reality, drifting in the water in a state of pure unadulterated bliss. This diminutive carefree pixie smiles calmly at me and gently coos “You’ll be fine. Take it easy. Life is peaches.” It sounds a little silly, but it helps.

My instructors often chant “Your body can do this. It’s your mind that needs the work,” and I’m finding that to be 100% true. The physical challenges have become easier and easier though my mind is becoming increasingly more adverse so I implement these little tricks and hope to float along.

30 Day Challenge! Yoga Zombie.

Day 13- February 8th

I never believed 13 to be an ominous number, but was forced to reevaluate that idea today. I’m not even at the half way point and thoughts of ending my journey here and now began rolling heavily around my head. More than anything I want my evenings back. I want to loaf around with a glass of wine and read a book if I should feel so inclined. Who would even notice if I quit? The age old questions that I ask myself every couple of days began cropping up again.

A thick layer of fatigue covered my body like a blanket. I stretched my legs out over Brett’s lap on the couch and buried my head underneath my Snuggie. I don’t consider myself to be a quitter—but the prospect sounded ever more enticing as my mind became addled with sleep.

I’m not quite sure what prompted me to get off the couch and carry on aside from Brett all but shoving me out the front door. “Meditate on it during practice” he offered. “Decide today if you want to continue or not. You’ll likely feel better afterward.” I hung my head with resignation and padded down to the car.

Despite not wanting to be in class, the warmth was comforting. The familiar smell of soggy, sweat-soaked carpeting, a welcome perfume. Now that I was there, I had no choice but to stay and practice. Postures that are typically performed with effortless grace became arduous and uncomfortable. In an effort to stretch as deeply as is the norm I focused on my movement instead of my breath and often realized over half way through a posture that I had been forgetting to breathe. Yes, breath is what this whole endeavor is centered around. As one of my instructors once said, “This is a 90 minute breathing exercise. The postures are only here to try and distract you from that.” And today, they did.

I summoned the strength to complete the standing series despite sweat dripping up my nose during standing head to knee. I struggled and forced my way through although considering flopping down on the floor more times than I’d like to admit. Finally, the sweet release of corpse pose had arrived and the past hour washed over my body in an epic wave. I lay flat on my back for two full floor postures before rolling onto my belly and powering through the rest.

I leaned heavily against the front desk as I told Saiko of my intense struggles afterward. The fact that she noticed at once disappointed and comforted me. She asked if I was okay and noted that I had been doing a LOT of yoga lately, so this was only natural. “There are lots of peaks and valleys,” she sagely nodded. “It’s an interesting journey.”

Interesting journey, indeed. But today I had to wonder: Where am I going? And WHY? Not having the energy to ponder that question, I instead went home and let Calgon (read: Lush) take me away.

30 Day Challenge! Superbowl Sunday

I halfheartedly considered going to the ten am practice on Sunday morning so I wouldn’t have to miss out on any of the Superbowl festivities that would be unfolding at our house later—but I realized when I woke up at quarter to ten that wouldn’t be happening. Instead, I spent the day cleaning and putting away the mountains of clothing that littered our bedroom.

As soon as our friends started to arrive, I stepped out to make my way to practice. I couldn’t help but feel rude and guilty for being such an awful host even though in the back of my mind I tried to reconcile my emotions. Brett did orchestrate this get together, so I suppose I shouldn’t feel TOO guilty about hopping out for a few hours. That put me in a funk, in any case.

The studio was delightfully quiet for an early evening practice on Sunday, which can only be a result of the football game. Approximately a baker’s dozen of ladies (peppered with one or two gentleman) spread out across the room in preparation for a thorough work through by Penni.

Since there was a vast amount of open space, I decided to practice in the second row so that I could get a different perspective on my form. It’s strange to think that simply moving my mat around the room could have such an intense impact—but it did. I had a clearer perspective on my alignment because I wasn’t mere inches away from my reflection in the front mirror. My funk fell away and I experienced my practice in an entirely new and different way which goes to show that sometimes I need to get out of my comfort zone in order to get a fresh perspective both in class...and in life.

30 Day Challenge! Weekend Recap

Day 10- February 5th

Friday night practices, though arguably the most challenging for me, are my favorite nonetheless. Both my mind and body are fatigued from the events of the week, but Bikram is my favorite way to sweat it all away and start the weekend renewed and refreshed. Typically, you'll only find the die-hards holed up in a sweaty room at 6pm on a Friday night so it confused me when there were three rough and tumble looking folk in the back row right behind me. I'm certainly not judging the fact that they were there-- more power to them for hopping on the bandwagon. But I was about to discover that they would prove to be worthy adversaries against my powers of concentration.

Shortly after pranayama deep breathing began, the gentleman who was directly behind me started laughing. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was a little bit offended. As the warm-up progressed, I began giggling internally to myself because this guy was seriously like a fish out of water. But then I thought back to my first practice many years ago and some of the thoughts rolling around my head: Am I in a cult? How long does this breathing go on? I look like a spastic eagle...In any case, I tried to block him out to the best of my ability and pressed on.

Day ten. One third of the way there and everything is going swell. I felt strong and limber. The only thing bothering me was my big toe, which I stubbed terribly before practice began as I was unrolling my mat and searching the room for someone I knew. That aside, I performed well. I can feel some of my postures change and my body is getting stronger. I would say that could potentially be a placebo effect of me thinking I'm stronger simply because I'm going to practice more often- but I am. My heart isn't beating as rapidly during the crescendo of the standing series and I haven't been laying down at all.

I can't help but find it daunting that two thirds of this challenge remain-- even though I know that's not the right perspective. Moreso than what remains, it's what I've done. And of course, most importantly: it's not what I've done but where I am right now. Right now, I'm pretty good.

Day 11- February 6th

I wasn't sure how class would go today because I drank considerably more on Friday night than I had in...well...I'm not even sure. Don't get me wrong, I still wasn't as indulgent as in the days of yore; but two glasses of wine, a PBR and a tall boy of Kokanee was more than I had planned on.

My friend Jessica, Brett and I went out for a late night dinner at Ballard's dive bar Fat Albert's before heading over to my once beloved trendy saloon King's Hardware. Historically, I relished the excess and shenanigans of drunken college students thronging to King's of Leon whilst pounding back tall boys of Rainier Beer. I would even be among those vying for a turn at the derelict skee-ball machines (refer to my faceboook pictures for proof.) Somewhere along the line, something changed. I felt like an interloper and everyone around me knew it. This probably had something to do with the fact that I was painfully more sober than anyone surrounding me. After choking down my Kokanee, it was time for bed. Brett and I left Jessica with one of her buddies we had met at King's and made our way home in the wee hours of Friday night.

Sure enough, as a result of Friday night's unfavorable combination of fried chicken, cheap beer, and wine-- I was out of sorts on Saturday. Despite having slept a whopping thirteen hours, I was still terribly discombobulated. "Oh well," I thought to myself, "too bad for me." I put the crap in my body, now it was time to pay the piper and sweat it out, so to speak.

As the warm-up began, my arms felt leaden. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to raise and lower them 20 times when I was convinced they were replaced with the arms of an arthritic 80 year old. On top of that, I felt nauseous. I briefly wondered to myself if I should lay down at that moment, leave or press on. Naturally, I pressed on. Despite the initial discomfort, the remainder of my class was great. The weakness fell away the moment I stopped focusing on it.

My instructors often say "drop it off" after a posture has been completed. Always focus on the task at hand and forget about the one prior. So long, class eleven. I dropped it off, checked the box, and picked up Brett to wander toward Crown Hill in search of some Greek food.

30 Day Challenge- Hooky and Virgil

Day Nine- February 4th

The pizza, in retrospect, was not a wise choice. Though temporarily satisfying, I awoke on Thursday with intense gastronomic discomfort. While it likely wouldn’t last the entire day, I had to make a game time decision- stay home or go to work. If Brett and I had two cars, I likely would have headed into the office for a half day but since we have just the one, I told Brett to go on ahead without me.

I checked my work email periodically, but fortunately for me and my co-worker it was a relatively quiet day at the office. The majority of my day was spent guarding the couch and drinking copious amounts of peppermint tea to quiet my tummy. Whilst loafing, I finished what is now included in my top ten list of best books ever: “The Women” by T.C Boyle. This literary masterpiece is a poignant story of the women in Frank Lloyd Wright’s life and is the sort of tome in which you learn a myriad of historical gems without even realizing it.
Feeling rested and operating at 85% capacity, I prepared myself for evening yoga. Of course I’m not going to miss class even if I missed a day at work! I arrived to the studio and didn’t see any of my regular chatting pals. The mood was completely mellow and extraordinarily quiet with only 30 or so students in the room—far fewer than in recent days.

I had the good fortune of practicing next to Virgil, who had just finished up his 4pm practice and was lined up for a double-header (I have yet to try that out…maybe if I’m feeling crazy on day 30 I’ll go out with a bang). Virgil is one of the most unique folks I have had the pleasure of meeting and that old phrase “You can’t judge a book by its cover” comes to mind whenever I think of him. He is of a medium build, with every muscle completely developed—but not in the beefcake “I am a human upside down triangle” sense—rather, he is a lean, mean yoga machine. He does both Bikram and the equally challenging Ashtanga yoga anywhere from six to 12 times per week depending on his schedule. He is an iron worker with full body tattoos and when he’s not building cranes or at the yoga studio, he loves going to the cinema and riding his motorcycle. As I said, super cool guy.

But I digress. Class number nine was phenomenal, which was likely the result of having a completely non-stressful day with ample amounts of rest. Yesterday I (ironically) forgot to mention something Penni said during class that stuck with me. It came back to me during my practice today and was extremely comforting in each posture: Let go. Don’t hang on to the discomfort and don’t let the struggle bother you. You will forget about the pain immediately and only the benefits will remain—which is another little nugget of wisdom to put to use inside the yoga studio and out. Funny how that works….