30 Day Challenge! Yoga Zombie.

Day 13- February 8th

I never believed 13 to be an ominous number, but was forced to reevaluate that idea today. I’m not even at the half way point and thoughts of ending my journey here and now began rolling heavily around my head. More than anything I want my evenings back. I want to loaf around with a glass of wine and read a book if I should feel so inclined. Who would even notice if I quit? The age old questions that I ask myself every couple of days began cropping up again.

A thick layer of fatigue covered my body like a blanket. I stretched my legs out over Brett’s lap on the couch and buried my head underneath my Snuggie. I don’t consider myself to be a quitter—but the prospect sounded ever more enticing as my mind became addled with sleep.

I’m not quite sure what prompted me to get off the couch and carry on aside from Brett all but shoving me out the front door. “Meditate on it during practice” he offered. “Decide today if you want to continue or not. You’ll likely feel better afterward.” I hung my head with resignation and padded down to the car.

Despite not wanting to be in class, the warmth was comforting. The familiar smell of soggy, sweat-soaked carpeting, a welcome perfume. Now that I was there, I had no choice but to stay and practice. Postures that are typically performed with effortless grace became arduous and uncomfortable. In an effort to stretch as deeply as is the norm I focused on my movement instead of my breath and often realized over half way through a posture that I had been forgetting to breathe. Yes, breath is what this whole endeavor is centered around. As one of my instructors once said, “This is a 90 minute breathing exercise. The postures are only here to try and distract you from that.” And today, they did.

I summoned the strength to complete the standing series despite sweat dripping up my nose during standing head to knee. I struggled and forced my way through although considering flopping down on the floor more times than I’d like to admit. Finally, the sweet release of corpse pose had arrived and the past hour washed over my body in an epic wave. I lay flat on my back for two full floor postures before rolling onto my belly and powering through the rest.

I leaned heavily against the front desk as I told Saiko of my intense struggles afterward. The fact that she noticed at once disappointed and comforted me. She asked if I was okay and noted that I had been doing a LOT of yoga lately, so this was only natural. “There are lots of peaks and valleys,” she sagely nodded. “It’s an interesting journey.”

Interesting journey, indeed. But today I had to wonder: Where am I going? And WHY? Not having the energy to ponder that question, I instead went home and let Calgon (read: Lush) take me away.