Day 20- February 15th
I realized today that doing 30 continuous days of Bikram yoga is not that difficult—it’s the “obligation” aspect with which I’m grappling. After 20 days I long simply to slink into a warm bath, pour a big glass of wine, poke around the kitchen to create a lovely meal with my husband, play a game of scrabble…watch a movie….doze off on the couch. But instead, I’ve become a soldier of yoga—fiercely regimented and reliably predictable. The element of “option” has been removed from my vocabulary so that my freedoms are limited. I mustn’t be too indulgent or too profuse lest it negatively impact my yoga.
After work I became an ornery teenager—irritated and cantankerous. It wasn’t at all that I didn’t WANT to go to class; it’s just that I wanted what I couldn’t have. I wanted…freedom. What’s the point of being tied down to such a specific number, anyhow? In any case, I’ve committed to this challenge and so it must go. It all comes back down to discipline. If I can do this, I feel like maybe…just maybe….I can do anything.
Bless Brett’s little heart for putting up with me the past three weeks. He sent me off to practice with his ever-cheerful encouragements and away I went. As per usual, the moment I stepped into the studio, I felt wonderful. Practicing Bikram in the summer definitely has its compelling arguments, but there is nothing quite like practicing in the hollow months of winter. It offers solace from the bone-chilling cold and balances out the bitter chill to make these interminable months seem the slightest bit more tolerable.
I placed my mat next to Jenn, one of my instructors, who seems to act as a bit of a good luck charm for me. I always have a really strong practice whenever we’re next to one another. Her energy and positivity are so formidable it’s almost as though they waft over to me in a delicate, ever so subtle cool breeze. Sure enough, my postures were strong, my energy high. I was back. Sisyphus made it up to the top of the hill!
Saiko gently intoned “Be okay with who you are today,” as I lay belly up on my mat, relishing the tiny bits of cool air that tickled my forearms and calves. Today, that was an undemanding feat. Naturally, it’s much easier to accept yourself when you’re in a good place, but I took that bit of wisdom and held on to it for the future—to remember on the more challenging days. As long as I give it my all….as long as I do what I’m able—I will be okay...nay HAPPY with who I am.
After work I became an ornery teenager—irritated and cantankerous. It wasn’t at all that I didn’t WANT to go to class; it’s just that I wanted what I couldn’t have. I wanted…freedom. What’s the point of being tied down to such a specific number, anyhow? In any case, I’ve committed to this challenge and so it must go. It all comes back down to discipline. If I can do this, I feel like maybe…just maybe….I can do anything.
Bless Brett’s little heart for putting up with me the past three weeks. He sent me off to practice with his ever-cheerful encouragements and away I went. As per usual, the moment I stepped into the studio, I felt wonderful. Practicing Bikram in the summer definitely has its compelling arguments, but there is nothing quite like practicing in the hollow months of winter. It offers solace from the bone-chilling cold and balances out the bitter chill to make these interminable months seem the slightest bit more tolerable.
I placed my mat next to Jenn, one of my instructors, who seems to act as a bit of a good luck charm for me. I always have a really strong practice whenever we’re next to one another. Her energy and positivity are so formidable it’s almost as though they waft over to me in a delicate, ever so subtle cool breeze. Sure enough, my postures were strong, my energy high. I was back. Sisyphus made it up to the top of the hill!
Saiko gently intoned “Be okay with who you are today,” as I lay belly up on my mat, relishing the tiny bits of cool air that tickled my forearms and calves. Today, that was an undemanding feat. Naturally, it’s much easier to accept yourself when you’re in a good place, but I took that bit of wisdom and held on to it for the future—to remember on the more challenging days. As long as I give it my all….as long as I do what I’m able—I will be okay...nay HAPPY with who I am.
First and foremost, you've been away for far too long my dear....I take issue with you refering to the Seattle winter as "bone-chilling".
ReplyDelete:)
I think that the thing that I am most curious about in regards to this challenge isn't whether or not you'll complete it (I have no doubt that you will), but what will happen on Day 31. Will you not go because you don't have to go, or will you go because you don't have to go?